Forgiveness is a process, sometimes likened to acceptance in the grieving process. Like grieving, forgiveness involves returning to a state of inner and/or relational balance. Because of the hurt experienced, this balance may not be the same as it was before. The path to forgiveness is a journey of transformation. This process takes time and unfolds in stages.
Jean Monbourquette, a grief specialist, proposes twelve steps toward forgiveness. Here are a few of them:
- Acknowledge your hurt.
- Share your hurt with someone.
- Identify the wounded part of yourself so you can grieve it.
- Accept and express your anger without violence.
- Restore harmony within yourself; forgive yourself.
- Begin to understand the person who hurt you and the many facets of their personality.
- Find meaning in your life in the wake of the hurt.
- Decide whether to end the relationship or renew it.
Along this journey, we may evolve to the point of giving our lives a new direction. This may lead to a renewal of the relationship with the person who hurt us—or it may not—and sometimes even to the discovery of a new purpose in life.