From a personal development perspective, forgiveness can be understood as the healing of a wound. According to Olivier Clerc, founder of the Cercles du pardon, certain misconceptions can stand in the way of this healing.
It’s up to them to take the first step!
In reality, it’s possible to forgive, even if the other person doesn’t ask for it! In this way, we take back control of our lives, without depending on the other person or their request. We can begin the healing process for the wound that was inflicted.
Once I’ve forgiven, we’ll reconcile.
Unfortunately, not always… For reconciliation to happen, both parties must want it. If we forgive and the other person continues to hurt us, we must maintain a certain distance so that our wound can heal; otherwise, it reopens every time. Forgiveness is then possible, but reconciliation is not.
If I forgive, does that mean I condone their action?
In fact, forgiving doesn’t mean excusing. We can understand what drove a person to do that, without approving of what they did to us. They may do something mean, but they aren’t a mean person. So we can forgive the person but not excuse their action. Depending on the situation, it’s up to the justice system to decide what punishment will be imposed for their action.
If I forgive him, he’ll still have won… if I seek revenge, I’m the one who wins.
Really? Holding a grudge against someone destroys us from the inside out. Seeking revenge keeps the wound open, while forgiving helps us heal it. It’s first and foremost a gift we give ourselves!